Shine On
by T. F. Crosby
Summary: While you will never get over the loss of a loved one, you can continue to shine brightly in their memory. Through an unexpected death, one soldier finds the strength to shine on.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **The idea for this story came from a challenge from another site. The challenge was to write a story where a main character dies unexpectedly and another character's reaction to it. The character at some point must say they wish they'd told the other character how they really felt about them (not neccesarily romantic, which mine isn't) and that the character leaves or plans to leave, something other than flowers at the gravesite. When I looked over the challenges for the umpteenth time, trying to think of something to write, it jumped out at me. And since 'seaQuest' was on my brain, I thought of that show. The characters I immediately thought of were O'Neill and Piccolo. Not entirely sure why, though a few reasons have entered my mind.

Like a lot of my stories, music plays an important part in the story itself as well as inspiration for me. Though I haven't actually mentioned titles of songs or used any lyrics anywhere (at least not in the first few chapters) it is still integral to the story and the music (and possibly artists) that is alluded to is Christian. It's what I listen and much of what inspires me. There are Christian themes in this story, some points are very obvious. It's who I am. (I also have a very bizarre sense of humor. Just read "For Observational Purposes.")

Aside from music (and the Christian themes), two other things that will be prominant in the story are the use of Cherry blossoms and rain. They are almost characters unto themselves.

The title of the story comes from the NEEDTOBREATHE song "Shine On". It's one of a few songs central to the story's main theme.

I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Shine On**

**Chapter One**

It had been almost a week since that night (five days to be exact) and no matter where he went, it was cold. It had nothing to do with the temperature; it was the atmosphere, the ambiance. At least, it felt that way. So, being in his quarters seemed just as good a place as any to be. The _seaQuest _was still docked at San Diego, but Piccolo had opted to return to the sub. Dr. Perry wouldn't clear him for duty just yet, which was perfectly fine with him. There was still another week or so before the funeral. It had been postponed due to…a number of reasons (aside from the fact that the services would be taking place at the opposite end of the country.) He had been told why, he was sure of that; but he couldn't remember them. Not that it mattered. This would give him more time to plan the funeral; the main arrangements, the where and when, had already been made—and remade. Piccolo had asked Bridger to take care of that, to which his former captain gladly obliged. He then asked Lonnie if she would take care of all the decorating stuff, flowers and the like. He wasn't very good with that stuff, he had tried, but it ended up being too frustrating. She was happy to help. Piccolo would oversee it, but he also had some special stuff planned; the rest was all up to him.

Tim had no family…well, no blood family, anyway. Tim's only sibling, a younger brother, had died when he was a kid, both of his parents passed away during the ten years they had been missing. He didn't talk about his family much and Piccolo was sure no one else, except maybe Miguel, knew he'd ever had a brother. There was one relative Tim _did_ talk about quite often. His grandfather, Admiral Thomas O' Neill, a career navy man. The gentleman was still alive when they returned. Tim contacted the man as soon as he could. On their first shore leave, Tim had taken the opportunity to see him and had invited Piccolo along. He remembered that day well. Both granddad and grandson were ecstatic to see each other. He had kept out of the way while the reunion took place, but as soon as Tim introduced him to his granddad it felt like he was having a reunion of his own with a beloved family member, like his Aunt Rose and his cousin Angie. The admiral told him, 'If my grandson considers you family, then I consider you family. It'll be good to have another grandson again.' Thinking about it even now brought, at least, a small smile to his face. From that day until the day he passed away, the admiral treated him like he was his grandson. In the little (it seemed little) time that Tony had spent with the man, he understood why Tim adored him so much. The rest of his core group—Bridger included (and even Michael)—had the privilege of meeting the admiral (at his insistence) at a barbeque at the man's home on the last day of shore leave. He had taken them all in as if they were all his own family. This was the man, Adm. O' Neill, in whose footsteps Tim had followed. After spending some time with the retired officer, none of them were surprised at Tim's choice.

When the admiral passed away Tim was devastated. The man was barely functioning for the first few days following his granddad's passing. Fortunately, the funeral expenses had already been taken care of, so that was one less thing Tim had to worry about. While Tony had been happy to help with the funeral arrangements and all that went with it, what Tim had needed the most at that time was someone to be there for him. And Tony was determined to be that someone.

The July before, Tony had become Tim's bunkmate when it was decided that Lucas needed his own quarters to "compensate for the advances in technology" he had missed over the ten years the _seaQuest_ and her crew had been missing, by giving him the equipment he needed. Or in layman's terms, Lucas needed his own space to play computer catch-up. Or in Piccolo-speak, toys in, Tony out. (He wondered why it had taken over a year for that to happen; but then, the threat of war [among other things] _can_ thwart your plans.) He probably could have had his own quarters, but at the time he was learning more about running communications and O' Neill was very particular with how his station was run, especially after they returned to the "brave new world" as O' Neill had put it (rather sarcastically as Tony recalled). The man nearly had a heart attack upon learning that Lucas had to debug the comm. system and eventually reboot the _entire_ system and then give it a minor upgrade once he returned from a _special_ (more like suicidal) mission, that Tony had inadvertently involved himself in, and after two months in MedBay. It was another month before Dr. Perry would even consider clearing Tim for duty. (He had begged the captain to let Tony run communications while he was being "detained" [O' Neill's word] and Hudson gladly obliged.) They had nearly lost Tim due to the injuries he had sustained, not to mention all the other stuff those psychos did to him, on that "suicidal" mission. It was that mission that had brought the two of them even closer. Their relationship was no longer a simple friendship, but one of brothers.

Yeah, he could have had his own quarters, but he'd gotten used to having a roommate. He wasn't even sure he could handle being by himself. Besides, Tim had laid out the offer to bunk with him. _Tony gladly accepted._ It was after the admiral's funeral that Tony learned Tim's reasons for offering him the choice to be his bunkmate. His granddad had become gravely ill about the time Lucas was given his own quarters, and the man didn't have much time left. It was simple. _Tim didn't want to be alone._

* * *

_Tony wandered through the building, looking for Tim, stopping briefly to accept condolences on Tim's behalf and even, to his surprise, for himself. In the year that he had come to know Adm. O' Neill, he had grown close to the man and he hadn't truly realized it until now. He sighed as he walked towards the doors to the courtyard. Tim had disappeared to somewhere. Seeing Bridger standing by the doors speaking to one of the admiral's old friends, Tony approached him._

_"Hey, Cap?"_

_Bridger turned around. "Ah, Piccolo."_

_"I'm sorry to interrupt, Sir," he said as he approached the two older men._

_"That's quite alright. What can I do for you?"_

_"I was wonderin' if you've seen Tim," Tony said. "He kinda disappeared on me."_

_"He's out in the courtyard," his former captain replied._

_"Thank you, Sir."_

_As he started out the door, Bridger spoke again. "Tony?"_

_"Yes, Sir?"_

_"How are you doing?"_

_"I'm okay, Sir?" He let out a sorrowful sigh. "I gotta be for Tim."_

_Bridger gave him a soft smile and patted him on the shoulder. Tony gave him a small smile in return and then headed out the door._

_Stopping where concrete met grass, he scanned the courtyard. "Where is he?"_

_The courtyard was huge. There were numerous compacted dirt paths lined with white stones leading to the gazebos and covered benches. The larger gazebo was at the center of the courtyard with two smaller ones behind it and another two smaller ones on each side. There were flower beds surrounding each gazebo with Cherokee roses and vines weaving in and out of the lattices. With all the flower beds and trees added in, it was easy to hide out here. No wonder he was having a hard time finding Tim._

_He didn't see the lieutenant anywhere near the center gazebo or the two smaller ones to its sides. Tim had to be in the back somewhere._

_Tony headed down the path that wove between the center gazebo and the one to its left. The sunlight peeked through the cascading pink flowers of the weeping cherry, reflecting off of his cap insignia. A swift, strong breeze blew through the trees, sending cherry blossoms swirling around him. He gently blew at one that was floating towards his face. The light pink blossom spun away from him and then turned back towards him, bouncing off his knee and landing at his feet. He smiled softly as he continued down the path._

_Directly behind the center gazebo was a large, two-tier pond set between the two smaller gazebos underneath two weeping cherry trees. Large stones were arranged from the edge of the top tier down to the second tier; the flowing water cascaded down the stones into the bottom tier, swirling the water around. There were lily pads floating around on both pools and fish swimming around in the bottom pool in and out of small plants and algae-covered rocks. The sound of the water tumbling over the stones was rather soothing, like those little fountains his Aunt Rose liked. With the addition of the soft twittering of birds as they fluttered through the trees and the total lack of "road noise" it was quite peaceful out in the courtyard. The weeping cherries and the sudden gentle breezes tossing the blossoms around made it feel even more tranquil. A few blossoms fell into the pond, floating around like tiny pink and white lily pads._

_"All that's missing is a few frogs."_

_Tony smiled softly at the sound of the quiet and gentle voice of his vagabond friend._

_"Wondered where you wandered off to."_

_"Sorry." Tim didn't say "sorry" very often. He didn't throw the word around like most did. It was a sincere apology. When he said it, he meant it. "I didn't mean to ditch you."_

_"Nah…. Don't apologize," Tony said softly. "I was just worried when you hadn't come back after an hour. I'm sure you had a reason. Just wanted to be alone."_

_Tim didn't respond right away. He walked over to the bench that sat a few feet away from where they were standing near the edge of the pond and sat down in the center of it. His expression and body language were so sorrowful it tore Tony up. He studied the lieutenant, who was now staring at the pond, for a moment. How young Tim looked blew his mind. Yeah, they all looked young for their age, considering they had missed ten years worth of aging; but Tim looked even younger than the thirty years he had turned not long before their little trip to another world. He looked up at the weeping cherry draping over him, sighing. It wouldn't be long before all the blossoms would be gone for another year. Dagwood, who had been reading extensively on cherry trees before their unwanted otherworldly adventure, had told him that these particular trees blossom for only a short period of time before their leaves take the blossoms' place. It was one of the rare times he actually listened and truly paid attention to Dagwood when he rambled on about something he learned. Tony wasn't sure why, but it was sad; the blossoms staying for such a short time. They were so beautiful._

_He looked back over at Tim. The lieutenant was now twirling his hat around in front of himself, staring at the ground. Tony walked over to join him._

_"No," Tim said, finally responding to him as he sat down. "I'm tired of being alone." He was almost too quiet to hear._

_Tony had a burning question to ask. He rolled it around in his mind for a moment, wondering if he should go ahead and ask. _

_Sensing his distress, Tim looked at him. "You're wondering why I offered you the option of bunking with me," he said matter-of-factly, reading the warrant officer's mind._

_"I know it's a weird question to ask, especially now," Tony said, knowing that that question had been obvious to Tim, "but…."_

_"Granddad became real sick about three weeks before Lucas was given his own quarters," Tim said. "I got a call about a week after that from his doctor saying that he didn't have long to live."_

_Tony turned to him, utter shock written all over his face. "Tim…. Why didn't you tell me then?"_

_Tim tried to answer, but nothing would come. When words finally did start to come, he stuttered and stumbled over them. He took a deep breath, choking back his emotions. Tony waited patiently and reverently for Tim to try again._

_The lieutenant held tightly to his cap. "I just…. With everything that was going on then…. Being on yellow alert…I just…."_

_All the hesitation and stuttering was a clear sign to Tony of Tim's emotional state. He had always known Tim to wear his heart on his sleeve, not unlike himself. But when Tim found out his granddad was seriously ill, he hid his emotions well. He had even fooled Tony for a time. It wasn't long, though, before he figured something was wrong with the lieutenant; but with their being on an almost constant yellow alert and everyone being pushed beyond their limits, it was clear why Tim hadn't said anything and why __**he**__ hadn't voiced his concern. Even so, he wished Tim had said something._

_"I didn't want to worry you," Tim said, breaking the long-standing silence. _

_Tony turned to him with a quizzical look. "What?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Whadaya mean ya didn't wanna worry me?" _

_"I knew you'd grown close to him," Tim replied softly, "and I didn't want to put that burden on you."_

_"No…. Tim…." Tony let out a heavy sigh._

_"Besides," Tim continued, "I didn't wanna believe it." He took in a sorrowed breath, then exhaled slowly. "I guess I figured if I denied it long enough, I would wake up and everything would be back to the way it was." He sighed. "Wishful thinking, Timothy."_

_Tony let out another weary sigh. "Tim, why do you do this to yourself?"_

_Tim turned to him with a puzzled look._

_"Why do you put all this weight on your own shoulders? You can't take the burden on all by yourself." Tony pursed his lips and stared into Tim's eyes. "I know you lost a lot when we got back. All of us did. Yeah, ya ain't got a lot outside of 'seaQuest'. I don't, either. But we still got each other whet'er we're on 'seaQuest' or off of it."_

_Tim looked down at his hat, sighing heavily. "Don't put all this on yourself," Tony continued, hunching over and looking Tim in the face. "Look, I know that Lucas, the commander, Lonnie, Bridger, even Dagwood, would be more than happy to take off that weight and carry it. __**Especially Bridger**__. And if not them…at least, let me." He put his hand on Tim's shoulder. "Yer not alone."_

_"I know," Tim said softly, almost too softly for Tony to hear. "It just took me awhile to realize it."_

_There was a silence between them as Tony removed his hand from Tim's shoulder and clasped his own hands together. Still hunched over, he lifted his head up, first glancing at the lieutenant, who was still spinning his cap around between his hands; and then at the pond. Tim was right; the pond needed frogs._

_"Hey, Tim?"_

_He stopped spinning his cap and looked at Tony. "Yeah?"_

_"The reason I said 'yes' ta bunkin' wit' ya is because I didn't wanna be by myself." He looked at Tim, who gave him a small smile._

_"That's the reason why I asked you to be my bunkmate. __**I**__ didn't wanna be alone. Especially since…." He trailed off._

_Tony grinned. "I guess Lucas getting his own quarters was a blessing in disguise, huh."_

_Tim leaned back, a broad smile on his face. "I guess so."_

_There was a tranquil silence as another light breeze blew through the trees, sending another plethora of cherry blossoms into the air. They were so transfixed with the floating white and pink petals that they didn't hear the approaching footsteps._

_"It's pretty out here."_

_They looked up._

_"Hey, Dagwood," Tim said._

_"Hey, Dag."_

_Lucas was standing next to him. "Hey, guys."_

_"Hey, Lucas," they replied together._

_"Everyone's looking for you, Tim," Lucas said, sitting down next to him._

_"Yeah, sorry for cutting out on everyone."_

_"Don't worry about it," Lucas replied. "We just figured you wanted some time to yourself."_

_"No…. I've had enough of that."_

_Lucas gave him a lopsided grin. "I was wondering why you asked Piccolo to bunk with you."_

_Tim smirked. The remark wasn't a crack on Tony, but to the untrained ear, that's how it sounded. And all __**four**__ of them knew that. ._

_Tony looked around Tim at the ensign and said in a facetiously irritated tone, "Is that some kind of commentary, Wolenczak?"_

_They were silent…for awhile. Seeing the look Tony was giving him, Lucas had a difficult time holding back his laughter. Tim wasn't faring any better. Tony kept staring at them with that 'look' and even though they had both turned away, he knew they could 'feel' the 'look'. _

_Dagwood grimaced at all three of them and then smiled saying, "The admiral said if you hold in a laugh too long…it will turn into a fart."_

_He had said it so matter-of-factly (clearly on purpose), the three men on the bench burst into laughter._

_Dagwood smiled broadly. "I made Tim laugh."_

_As their laughter died down Tim said, "Thanks, Dag. I needed that."_

_"Welcome," he replied, the smile still plastered on his face._

_The wind started to pick up, pulling more cherry blossoms off their braches and stirring up ones that lay on the ground. Lucas looked up at the sky. Darkened clouds were drawing near, a storm was moving in. He hadn't noticed it until that moment, nor had he noticed how much cooler it felt than when he had first walked out into the courtyard. _

_"Where'd all these clouds come from?" Tony said, glancing at the sky._

_"The weather report did say that a storm was supposed to be moving in this afternoon." Tim replied, standing up and putting his cap back on. "Better get back inside."_

_As the four of them walked back towards the building, Lucas said to Tim, "You know, as much as I liked having Tony as a bunkmate, I'm glad I was able to pawn him off on you."_

_"Gee thanks, Luke," Tony said with a mock scowl. "I'm glad my leavin's brought ya so much joy." He grinned at his former bunkmate._

_Lucas stopped, halting Tim's progress as well. _

_"What is it?" the lieutenant asked._

_Tony and Dagwood stopped, both wondering why the other two had ceased their forward movement._

_"You know, Tim," Lucas said, "it wasn't a coincidence."_

_Tim raised an eyebrow._

_"Your grandfather getting sick and Hudson giving me my own quarters around the same time." He glanced at Tony. "Tony could've had his own quarters. And if it had been under any other circumstances, he probably would have."_

_Tony and Tim looked at each other. Lucas was right. Even if Tony had preferred to have had a bunkmate, under normal circumstances it was more likely he would been given his own quarters. And if Tim's granddad had become ill then, how different would things be for them now? Tony didn't want to think about it and he knew Tim didn't either._

_"Captain Bridger said it's a blessing in disguise," Dagwood said, pulling both men away from their thoughts._

_"He's right," Lucas said with a smile._

_Tim looked at Tony. The look on the lieutenant's face reminded him of what he had said just before Lucas and Dagwood had joined them. They grinned at each other. _

_Tony looked back at Lucas. "Leave it to the cap ta say somethin' profound." __**A blessing in disguise**__. _

* * *

A blessing in disguise it was. For both him and Tim. They had formed a bond like neither of them had ever had before because of that blessing in disguise. He had often wondered what would have happened between them had none of that occurred. He was sure that he and Tim would have remained friends; there wasn't any doubt in that. But how different would their friendship have been? Tony huffed. He'd thought a lot about it after "Gran'dad's" funeral, but eventually he let go of the whole matter. It really wasn't important. All that really mattered was their current relationship. An unbreakable brotherly bond.

Their friendship had begun to grow not long after their return. The loss of Miguel had dealt Tim a heavy blow; Ortiz was his best friend. But no one really knew how deep Tim's pain ran. He was able to keep it hidden well. It was the soldier in him that told him he needed to fulfill his duty and put his grief aside. But Tony had seen him in those solitary moments, often by the moon pool, mourning his lost friend, sometimes with tears in his eyes. The first few times Tony had seen him, he had left the man alone to grieve. On one occasion, however, he couldn't walk away. He hadn't intended to go anywhere near the moon pool; but somehow, without realizing it, he had walked off the mag-lev onto sea deck. (Apparently, that's what he gets for having his head in the clouds. So he thought at the time.) Spotting Tim, he turned to leave; but something just wouldn't let him do so.

* * *

_He hadn't intended to go there, but he found himself there, anyway. Tim was sitting against the wall, almost completely hidden from view, with his knees pulled up and his arms folded and resting across them, staring at the moon pool. He turned to walk away and leave the lieutenant be, but something kept prodding him to stay. As he walked over to Tim, he wondered if anyone other than him had ever seen Tim sitting there. If they had, had any of them bothered to stop and say something to him._

_'Or was he the first?'_

_Tim appeared to be oblivious to his presence. He had probably been that way with anyone that may have come through. So if anyone __**had **__noticed him, they likely just left him alone._

_"Hey, Tim," Tony said, sitting down next to him._

_"Hey, Tony," he replied softly._

_Tim hadn't bothered to try and hide the fact that he had been crying. Though he had learned over time, from both personal experience and from stories he'd been told (most from Miguel) that Tim tended to wear his emotions on his sleeve (much like himself), he didn't expect the lieutenant to let them flow so freely like he was outside the privacy of his own quarters. He was rather surprised, really. He hadn't expected Tim to cry so openly. The lieutenant's anger and frustration was one thing, but this…._

_'Maybe Tim hadn't been as oblivious to his presence as he had thought.'_

_Few words were exchanged between the two of them. There didn't need to be. He realized that. Tim didn't need words. He just needed somebody to be there._

_"Hey, Tim," he said after a long silence._

_"Yeah."_

_"If you ever want to talk about it or just need somebody to sit with…I'm here."_

_"Thanks, Tony," Tim replied, a small but genuine smile crossing his face._

_"You're welcome," he replied._

_As he started to stand, Tim spoke, "Hey, Tony?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you mind stickin' around a little longer?"_

_Tony smiled and sat back down. "Not at all, pal."_

_**seaQuest**_

Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be up when I get motivated to do so. Reviews are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the wait. I've been both busy and lazy. I forgot to mention that it takes place post "Weapons of War" with a few exceptions being in some of the flashbacks. (I don't know if this is pathetic or not, but I actually have a timeline made out of all the events to keep myself on track. Hey, it works for me.) On with chapter two.

**Chapter Two**

He closed his eyes, listening to the music play softly on the stereo that he and Tim had installed (rather resentfully, he remembered) in their quarters not long after he had moved in. The installation did _not _go over very smoothly. There were a number of wiring issues, such as wires missing; then there was the connection issues; then the issue of the playback on the CD deck not wanting to work right (Sure CDs were old school, but both of them liked old school.); and then there was the speakers not wanting to work together. The communications officer began yelling at it, using a few choice words (in multiple languages); called it an evil, demon-possessed, sorry-excuse for a euphonic crate; and then threatened to salt and burn it if it didn't start cooperating.

It was all quite amusing to the then warrant officer. He never pictured Tim as one to react quite like he did. But then, Tim had been in rare form all day. It was the beginning of their first real 'shake-down' cruise since they had returned and the upgrading to the communications had been irritating the lieutenant to no end. Tony had been out running sub-fighting drills with Kimura while much of the upgrading was taking place. When Hudson had contacted them for an update on the drills, they could hear Tim screeching in the background over how he was going to salt and burn the entire communications system. After she severed the link between them and _seaQuest_,Kimura said exactly what he had been thinking. "I'm glad I'm not there."

Upon returning to _seaQuest_, he, being too curious for his own good, asked Lucas how it all went. The ensign promptly replied with, "I was waiting for him to take a few cartoon-dog bites out of the console…and a few other things." He also asked what the whole "salt and burn" thing meant, but Lucas merely shrugged.

With the comm. system upgrade finally complete and the debugging work left to Lucas, both he and Tim headed to mess to grab a bite to eat, after which they headed to the moon pool (at Tony's insistence) for a little relaxation before taking on the task of installing the stereo in their quarters.

In retrospect, they probably should have waited until the next day. But then, who's to say the same scene wouldn't have played out. What was that phrase his uncle used? _Same stuff, different day_. Of course, _stuff_ wasn't the word his uncle had used. And when he had repeated it verbatim, he got a nice, big "Gibbs" slap on the back of the head. The last time he had said it, he received a few stares from his crewmates and a "Gibbs" slap from Tim.

He shook his head, a slight grin on his face.

His ear twitched as the next song began to play. It was the song that started him listening to this kind of music; the kind Tim had begun listening to on a regular basis not long after his granddad died. (Almost all the time. But Tim would let him play his music when he asked. _It does belong to both of us_, Tim had said to him.) The man was old-school when it came to music; but then again, so was he. He _was_ an Elvis fan, after all.

It was also the same song that was playing on the stereo at a party at Tim's granddad's place when the admiral took him aside to talk to him.

* * *

"_Tony. Come over here for a minute." The older man gestured toward the kitchen._

_"Yes, Sir?"_

_"I need you to do me a favor. It's about Tim."_

_Piccolo raised an eyebrow. "Sir?"_

_"The boy has no other family except for all of you," he said. "I'm not gonna be around much longer, so if something happens to him, I need someone to take care of his funeral arrangements. And I would like you to do that."_

_"Of course, Sir." He didn't hesitate in agreeing to the request, but he was curious about one thing. "But why me?"_

_The admiral smiled softly at him. "You'll understand in time." He patted Tony on the shoulder. "Now, let's pretend we were just getting drinks and rejoin the party."_

_Tony grinned. He really liked this guy._

_As they headed back to the living room, Tony's ear twitched. Clearly, he had missed something rather funny, as laughter began to fill the house. As he and the admiral entered the room, he saw Tim standing in front of the television with the others seated on the furniture (Lucas on the floor) around him, talking up a storm and gesturing wildly. It was something he was sure none of them were used to seeing—if any of them had ever seen at all—from Tim. It was the happiest he'd ever seen the lieutenant._

_Tony couldn't help smiling as he watched Tim. It wasn't just the lieutenant's demeanor that was making him smile. Tim was wearing the hat; the hat he had given the man for Christmas. It was a newsboy cap like the one he had, except a little lighter in color. Tim had been very grateful for the gift, but dismayed that he hadn't gotten anything for him in return. Tony brushed it aside, telling Tim that it didn't matter. If he had expected something in return, then it wouldn't have been a gift. And that was true…at least, in his world. Though he insisted that Tim wear it backwards, like he always did, he hadn't expected Tim to actually do it._

_"Hey, Grandad," Tim said, snapping Tony out of his reverie. "Why don't you tell everyone the story of how you met Granma. You know…the true one."_

_Tony snickered as he took a seat on the floor opposite Lucas. He tried to listen to the story, but he couldn't help thinking about what the admiral had said. The admiral wanted him, Tony Piccolo, to arrange his grandson's funeral? Did the man believe Tim would be the first to die of the two of them? And why did the admiral pick him of all people? Did the admiral know something he didn't? He didn't get it. But the admiral said he would…in time._

* * *

And he did. He got it now. Clearly the admiral knew something. He didn't mention the encounter to Tim until well-after that mission that nearly killed him. The newly promoted O-3, though released from medbay, had not yet been cleared for duty; so he would spend much of his time on sea deck by the moon pool. When he was off-duty, he would join Tim and occasionally Lucas would join the two of them. Of course, Darwin was always there. A few days after he was released from medbay, Dr. Perry cleared Tim to tag along with him and Darwin when he took the dolphin out for a swim away from the _seaQuest_. The doctor felt it would be good therapy (physically and emotionally) for both of them.

When he finally did tell Tim about the conversation, the lieutenant didn't seem all that shocked; a little creeped-out, but not really shocked. The moon pool was pretty much empty, save the two of them. Darwin was off swimming through the aqua tubes.

* * *

_Tim yawned as he swirled the water around with his right hand. He was seated next to the moon pool with his right arm draped over the side and his head leaning on his shoulder. They had just returned to __**seaQuest**__ after a lengthy swim with Darwin. The dolphin had left the moon pool a few minutes ago; probably off to find Lucas, Tony surmised. He looked over at Tim, whose eyes were partially closed. Now he, Tony, was tired; but Tim looked exhausted. He shouldn't have kept Tim out so long, but the man wanted to stay out until it was time to bring Darwin in. These new—well, new to them—liquid-breathing systems allowed for much longer, and deeper, dives; kind of like having gills without actually having gills. However, that didn't mean Tim needed to stay out so long. He wasn't anywhere near a hundred percent._

_He admired Tim's tenacity and fearlessness. The comm. tech may have been disillusioned at first; but after the whole fiasco with Kimura, Tim quickly came into his own. He was more steadfast and quick to answer to commands and questions; he was so much unlike the man he was when they first took to the water under the command of Capt. Oliver Hudson. Tim was anxious and disenchanted with Hudson and his own place with __**seaQuest**__. It wasn't long, though, before he had had enough and his backbone really began to show. He had gotten into Hudson's face a number of times and come close to a court martial more than once. But Hudson wasn't stupid. There was no way the man was going to let someone as valuable as Tim slip through his fingers. Though the captain would never say it outright, Tony was sure Tim had become one of Hudson's favorites. (He wouldn't be surprised if someday Tim became Hudson's XO. That is, if Ford were to take position as captain of his own sub. [Which wasn't far-fetched by any means]. There was no way Hudson would let Ford take Tim with him and Ford __**would**__ try.) _

_"What're you grinning at?" O' Neill said, snapping Piccolo out of his thoughts._

_He glanced at O' Neill. "Nuttin'."_

_"Yeah, right," the comm. tech replied wearily._

_Tim was no longer unsure of himself and he had built up a strong and a little rough exterior, but beneath all the tenaciousness and audacity was the same man that he had met—what felt like—a lifetime ago. Well, maybe not exactly the same man, but close enough._

_He glanced over at O' Neill. It had been months since his odd conversation with Tim's granddad and he still hadn't said a word about it to the lieutenant. _

_'Well, now's as good a time as any, I guess,' he thought._

_"Hey, Tim?"_

_"Yeah," O' Neill said through a yawn._

_"You remember that party we had at yer grandad's before that mission?"_

_O' Neill gave him another positive, monosyllabic answer as he shifted his position, removing his arm from the water and pulling his knees up. He laid both arms across his knees and stared out into space._

_"I had a really odd conversation with him."_

_That got O' Neill's attention. He tilted his head. "Huh?"_

_"Freaked me out a little," Piccolo said, looking over at the lieutenant._

_"What'd he say?"_

_As Piccolo related the details of the conversation, he watched O' Neill's expression skew. He didn't appear to be terribly shocked over it, maybe a little creeped-out; but not really shocked._

_O' Neill leaned his head back onto the side of the moon pool. "Hmm…. Odd."_

_Piccolo raised an eyebrow. What? That was it? Either Tim was too exhausted to think about it or it didn't bother him in the slightest. Of course, this __**was**__ Tim and there was no telling how he would react to something weird. _

_Piccolo shrugged it off._

_He yawned and then looked back at Tim. The lieutenant's eyes were closed. Tony shook his head, silently chiding himself for letting his friend stay out so long. But then again, it was at Tim's insistence and the lieutenant was his superior and he wasn't about to go against…. Okay, Dr. Perry probably wouldn't buy into that excuse; but it wouldn't stop him from using it. Besides, O' Neill didn't pull rank on him. Tim just wanted to keep going._

_Tony smirked and looked at Tim. He was going to make a smart remark about how Tim wanted to stay out so long just to get him in trouble with Dr. Perry. (Of course, Tim wouldn't do anything like that. He was too honest a guy and wouldn't let him take any of the blame. Though, it was still fun to rag on the guy.) But Tim looked so exhausted, he didn't have the heart to prod him any. His smirk faded into a smile as Tim yawned again. His goggles sat on top of his head. It was weird seeing him without glasses. Tim was able to undergo some kind of corrective eye surgery a few weeks before the mission. He didn't get any of it (though he probably would have, had he been listening); all he cared about was whether or not Tim could end up blind in the process. Fortunately, he came through just fine. Little did he know then that that would be the least of his worries._

_"Hey, Tony?" Tim's sleepy voice said._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Remember back when I said I couldn't remember why I signed-on to __**seaQuest**__ in the first place?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I remember now."_

_He had barely gotten the last word out before he was asleep._

_Tony glanced at his friend and smiled. He stretched his legs out in front of him, folded his arms across his chest and leaned his head back against the pool. _

_"You are one trippy guy, Timothy O' Neill." _

* * *

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice when the last song finished and the CD player clicked off. Nor did he notice the first few knocks at his cabin door. Nor did he notice his door slowly open. It wasn't until he heard his rank being called with the voice of his captain that he was brought out of his reverie.

"Lieutenant?" The captain's voice was soft, filled with concern. It was a tone the man had used with him before. He stepped inside the room, carrying a tray. "When was the last time you ate?"

Tony shrugged.

"You need to eat something."

"Not hungry," he said. Then his stomach growled. _Stupid empty tummy. Just had to go and betray me, didn't ya?_

Hudson gave a half-smile and set the tray down on the desk. "Doctor's orders."

Tony looked at the food and then at him with the 'you're the captain, you can ignore her' look.

Hudson grinned. "If there is anyone in the water or on land that I will not cross, it's Dr. Perry. _I listen_ to her. I suggest you do the same."

Tony winced. Crossing the doctor was a very bad idea, indeed. He sighed and sat down at the desk. Before he began to eat, he looked back at Hudson, posing an unspoken question.

"It is my duty to look after my crew," Hudson said, "and to make sure they _do not_ stop taking care of themselves."

"Aye, Sir."

* * *

Piccolo sat next to the moon pool, his arm draped over the side, hand in the water. He hadn't been down to the moon pool in quite awhile. Come to think of it, he hadn't even been out for a swim since….

Sighing, he laid his head against the pool's edge. Darwin had been out to the surface by himself, an unusual sight for _seaQuest's_ crew; but Tony hadn't been in the mood. By now, the dolphin was probably swimming around through the tubes. Hudson had not been thrilled with the idea of having the mammal aboard, but slowly Darwin began to grow on him. Mostly thanks to Tim's persistent use of him. He hadn't seen much of Darwin over the past few days. Every so often the cetacean would stop by his quarters as he swam through the tubes, tapping his beak on the glass. The aqua tubes did not pass by Tim's old quarters. Nor was Tim's old quarters, though big enough, designed for two. So Hudson had him moved to the only officer's quarters accommodating to two people. And it just so happened to have an aqua tube for a window. Darwin would make his rounds to their cabin seemingly always when Tim had his music playing. Tony wondered if the dolphin had an ear for music. He never bothered asking anyone if dolphins could actually understand the concept because it was more than likely he would get some annoying scientific answer that would make him feel stupid.

_Stupid._

He had called himself stupid a number of times. It was usually in private, though. The one time he had said it within earshot of Tim he received a nice little lecture from the lieutenant. And after that little lecture was complete, he decided _he did not_ want another one. So he decided _not_ to call himself stupid within earshot of Tim; then he decided not to say it at all because if he did say it anywhere at any time, Tim would find out about it, some way, somehow, and he would never hear the end of it.

He sighed.

The times he did see Darwin, the dolphin appeared to be gloomy, sad. It was clear to Tony that the animal knew what had happened and understood. Darwin missed Tim, and he was mourning his death. There would be people who would deny that claim, but Tony didn't care. It wasn't about what _they_ thought, anyway.

He felt something brush up against his hand. A ghost of a smile crossed his face. He sat up on the edge of the pool, grabbing the vocorder and turning it on.

"Hey, Darwin," he said softly.

"Tony sad?"

"Yeah…I'm sad."

"Tony miss Tim?"

Darwin had to be the most observant and caring creature he had ever seen. No wonder Tim liked to talk to him.

"More than anybody knows."

"Darwin miss Tim, too."

Tony slid off the edge of the pool and onto the ground to his knees. He rested his folded arms on the edge, looking at Darwin. He reached out and rubbed the dolphin's beak. For the first time in years, he was sitting by the moon pool devoid of human company. After the issues with Kimura and especially after that mission, it was rare to find him alone by the moon pool. More often than not, if he was here so was Tim.

Closing his eyes, a song, the song that became the glue that helped hold the two of them together; the one that reminded him of who he was now, of where he was going in the end; of where Tim was now, began to play in his mind.

And the memory of one particular evening at the moon pool after dinner began to dance with it.

* * *

_They yawned at the same time. Something they did often. They now also had a tendency to speak the same thing at the same time. It would often happen on the bridge and they knew it drove Hudson nuts. Lucas would grin at the expressions on the faces of both the captain and the commander. Lonnie had called him and Tim weird and he knew that if Brody were still alive, he would think it was creepy._

_The thought made Tony smile. Looking over at Tim, he could tell the lieutenant was thinking the same thing._

_Their last shift had been longer than normal and if Lonnie had not have been eating with them; they both would have fallen asleep in their dinner. _

_They made it out of mess with most of their food in their stomachs (the left over [which wasn't much] ended up in the trash) and were now relaxing by the moon pool._

_Both were looking into the water. Their arms folded and propped on the edge of the pool. They had been discussing their last Bible study and an old music video they had watched just before going on duty. The song had gotten Tony thinking._

_He turned to Tim._

_"Hey, Tim."_

_The lieutenant looked at him. "Yeah?"_

_"If you go before I do," Tony said, "save a place for me, will ya."_

_Tim laid his head down on his arms, still looking at Tony. "Sure thing."_

_Looking into his friend's eyes, the new ensign could tell he wasn't feeling well. Probably a headache. Though not necessarily frequent, Tim had been having them more often than he normally did, after making it back to __**seaQuest**__ from his last mission. One in which he probably would have died alone in some sea cave never to be found, if not for Katie and Ben's sudden change of plans. The headaches were probably nothing to worry about. Tim had been real sick when they got back, so it was probably just after effects. But still…he couldn't help worrying._

_Still smiling, Tim added, "If you get home before I do, save a place for me."_

_Tony smiled back. "You got it, pal." _

* * *

"Watcha thinking about?"

Tony was pulled from his thoughts by a familiar voice. "Hey, Luc."

Lucas sat down next to him, his back against the pool.

"Just get off duty?" Tony asked.

"Yeah." He leaned his head back. "On my way to grab a bite to eat."

Both fell silent and didn't speak for a few moments.

"I can't believe he's gone, Lucas," Tony said, breaking the silence.

"I can't, either."

"I just keep waitin' for him to come stompin' into our quarters, annoyed at me for somethin' I did or didn't do. Or be sittin' in mess waitin' for me to get my butt in there and sayin', 'took ya long enough' when I finally walk in. I keep expectin' to see him here by the moon pool, talkin' to Darwin." He looked at Lucas. "You know, ever since we ended up here and Hudson took over, Tim spent more time with Darwin than eit'er one of us have."

Lucas nodded. "Yeah."

"Darwin misses him, too."

"We all miss him."

Tony turned around and leaned against the pool as Darwin started to swim around. "Why'd he hafta die like that?"

"I don't know, Tony," Lucas said softly. "But at least, he wasn't alone."

How Tim died was bad enough. _When_ he died was worse. Lucas would never forget that day or the next. The day after Tim died they were back aboard _seaQuest_. It was quiet and solemn. There were crew everywhere and yet…it was deathly still. _As it should have been._

He was walking back to his own quarters when he heard music softly emanating from the cabin Tony and Tim shared. He had no intention of stopping there; but he noticed the door was cracked open, so he stepped in.

Tony was sitting on the floor at the end of the bunks. If he had noticed Lucas walk in, he didn't tip his hand. He stopped in the middle of the room and looked at Tony. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Seeing his friend like that was heartbreaking. But it was what Tony said that ripped his heart right out.

_"Happy birthday, Anthony."_

He looked over at Tony. There were tears streaming down his cheeks. Looking at Tony, he could feel his own tears beginning to fall.

"Hey, Tony," he said, wiping his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"It's about those videos you and Tim were watching just before shore leave."

Tony wiped his eyes and turned to Lucas with a quizzical look. "What about 'em?"

"Do you think we could watch them together some time?"

Tony was taken aback. He and Tim had invited Lucas to watch the videos a number of times, but he always declined. Tony was always disappointed, but Tim assured him that Lucas would come; just not in their time.

_Guess this is it._

"Of course."

Lucas smiled.

There was a thump on the glass. The two men turned around as Darwin's head broke the water's surface.

"Tony swim with Darwin?"

He stood up and leaned over the side of the pool. "Sure, pal."

The vocorder translated another set of clicks and whistles. "Lucas swim, too?"

"Maybe later," Lucas said. "I gotta get something to eat." He turned to Tony. "See ya later."

"Yeah, see ya."

_**seaQuest**_

I hope you liked it. Sorry it;s sad. Though there are more lighthearted moments to come. And of course more sad ones. The really messed up thing is that when I sit down to work on it I'm in a really good mood. That seems wrong. Oh, well.


	3. Chapter 3

_I finally have chapter three up after...forever. Anyway, here's more sadness._

**Chapter Three**

Though his wraparound sunglasses were as dark as they could possibly be made, the sunlight still pierced through the lenses into his eyes. He hadn't set foot off _seaQuest_ in the last five days and in truth had no desire to _until_ he absolutely had to. And the "absolutely" wouldn't be taking place for another four or five days. So why on earth was he now standing out on the docks of San Diego?

_Oh right. It was an order._

He scanned the docks, sighing heavily. He really didn't want to be out here. Technically, he didn't _have_ to be here. It wasn't an order…exactly. More like a forceful suggestion with a little pleading and begging thrown in. In any case, it all pushed him out here..._where he didn't want to be. _He was perfectly fine _in_ his quarters _on seaQuest,_ making a trip out of his quarters when he needed to.

The suggestion to _get out_ came from Dr. Perry. And knowing that he would ignore it, she went straight to the captain, telling him something about health and well-being and whatever. Obviously, _his_ health and well-being and whatever; but that wasn't enough to motivate him and not quite enough to make Hudson order him to spend a little time off the sub. It was the few friends he had left that finally got him out. And that took a lot of begging and pleading.

"Tony!" Ford's shouting of his name snapped him out of his reverie. "Are you still with us?"

Tony looked at him. "Yeah…." He sighed again.

Lucas looked around at Ford, Henderson and Dagwood. Judging by the looks on their faces, he knew they were thinking the same thing he was.

_Maybe they shouldn't have forced Tony away from 'seaQuest'._

Tony looked back out at the water. He could bolt if he wanted. No one would be surprised or try to stop him.

"You _can_ go back, Tony," he heard Ford say. "We won't stop you."

_You read my mind, Commander. _

He was about to do just that when he swore he heard Tim say, "Don't even think about it, Piccolo."

He sighed for the third time. "Nah…." He looked at Ford. "So, where we goin'?"

_So, where we goin'?_ Wasn't that what Tim had said the day he—

"Tony!"

This time it was Lucas snapping him back to reality.

"What?"

"Are you sure you don't want to go back?" Ford asked.

Tony started walking toward the ground shuttles. "No. I'm good. Let's go."

Lucas looked at Ford and sighed. _Was_ this a good idea? He really wasn't sure.

* * *

Tony barely said a word through the rest of the morning and into the afternoon. By lunch, no more than ten words had come out of his mouth. Not that Lucas had been keeping count.

They stopped for lunch at a local deli and Tony had sat down and began eating his lunch as if he were the only person at the table. He didn't so much as glance at any of them and the only time he talked was when he put in his order at the counter. This wasn't what Lucas had had in mind when Dr. Perry suggested that Tony take some time off of _seaQuest_. But then, he wasn't sure _what_ he _was_ expecting. Maybe he wasn't expecting anything.

Lucas glanced over at his friend. Tony had only eaten half of his sandwich and barely touched his chips. He was now sitting back in his chair and staring at what remained of his lunch. He looked so lost; Lucas couldn't imagine how Tony really felt. They all lost Tim. But unlike the rest of them, when Tim died, Tony lost a piece of himself.

He glanced out the window, watching the cars go by. _Cars_. Tony would go on and on about cars. Until Tim died. Now he could barely get a word out of the man. What he had said by the moon pool yesterday was the most Lucas had gotten out of him since that day. He looked back at Tony. The guy looked like he was ready to cry. He longed to do something for Tony to help him; but in all honesty, he didn't know what he could do.

"Tony…?"

The sound of Lonnie's voice pulled Lucas from his thoughts and drew his attention to her.

Tony looked up at her, the lost look in his eyes more pronounced.

"Are you ready to go?"

He blinked a few times before answering. "Yeah…."

* * *

He lagged a little behind them, not paying much attention to where they were headed. Not that he cared where they were headed. It really didn't matter to him. He wanted to go back to _seaQuest_, but he wasn't about to let on. Pressing on was what he wanted to do; at least, for them. There was a drawback to that decision, however. Though at the moment, he was unaware of what that drawback was.

Thunder rolled through the sky. He had been so lost in thought from the moment they left the deli that he hadn't noticed the clouds that had moved in. Removing his sunglasses, he looked up at the sky. The cloud cover was gray, but not too dark.

It was going to rain; he could smell it.

It had rained that day, the day Tim had died in his arms. He hadn't noticed the rain pounding against the window of their hotel room when his best friend collapsed into his arms. Nor did he notice the thunder crackling through the sky when Tim drew his last breath. They had to pry the man out of his arms because he just couldn't let go. As if somehow by holding onto him, he would begin to breathe again and open his eyes.

"Tony," he heard Ford shout.

Tony blinked. He was on the ground. _What was he doing on the ground?_

"Tony?" The commander was at his side. "Are you okay?" Ford asked him.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he replied.

The other three were quickly at his side. "What happened?" Lucas asked.

"Don't know," he said. "Guess I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

Ford let out a sigh. He wasn't going to say it, mostly because it didn't really matter at the moment; but it looked more like Tony's knees had buckled underneath him. He decided to let the others think Tony had tripped; he was right next to a bench. Ford was positive that Tony didn't realize that his knee's buckling was what had actually happened.

He let it go, helping Tony to his feet.

"You sure you're all right?" he said to Tony, just to be sure.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Tony looked at him. "Really, I'm good."

Ford nodded and they continued on their walk.

A few minutes into the second leg of their walk, the one thing that they knew was the last thing Tony wanted to see came into view.

_The hotel_. The one they had all been staying at for a good chunk of their shore leave. Lucas had forgotten the hotel would be on this route and he was kicking himself for it. Any moment now, Tony would notice. Lucas deliberately walked behind him—just in case—and he nearly plowed into him when Tony stopped suddenly.

Lucas looked up.

There it was. The hotel.

Tony stared up at the eighth floor, right at the window of the room he and Tim had shared. The events of that night flooded his mind.

* * *

_Tim stared out the window of their hotel room at the courtyard below. It was empty. "Tony. Are you ready yet?" he asked, still staring out the window._

_"Not yet," Tony shouted from the bathroom._

_Tim rolled his eyes and shouted back. "You take longer in the bathroom than most women."_

_"Shut up!"_

_He grinned as he moved away from the window._

_Tomorrow was Tony's birthday, but because they were shipping out in the morning, they were all celebrating tonight._

_He squeezed his eyes shut. Another headache was coming on. He hadn't been feeling well the past few days, but he didn't want to ruin Tony's birthday by being confined to medbay for it. Tony had told him he had to be there. It wouldn't be the same without him. Besides, what was one more day? When they got back to 'seaQuest' he would go see Dr. Perry._

_Tony stepped out of the bathroom. "Hey, Tim. Does this shirt look—" _

_He stopped abruptly when he saw Tim leaning onto the small wardrobe, holding his head._

_"Tim…?" He walked over to his friend and placed his hand on the man's shoulder. "Hey. You okay?"_

_"Yeah, I'm fine," Tim replied softly._

_Tony grimaced. "Tim, look at me."_

_Tim turned to face him. His eyes were glazed over. Blood oozed out of his right nostril. Tim stared at him; fear was in both of their eyes._

_"Tony…."_

* * *

"Tony," Ford shouted, finally breaking the ensign from his trance. Tony turned to him. "Hey. Are you—"

"I wanna go back to _seaQuest_ now," Tony said.

Ford patted him on the shoulder. "Alright."

"I'm sorry, Tony," Lucas said as they began to walk away from the hotel.

Tony didn't acknowledge him. Once again, he was lost in his own thoughts.

Thunder continued to blanket the sky. Tony looked up. The clouds had grown darker in the—_ten minutes?_—since he had originally made note of the cloud cover. He pursed his lips and his gaze fell back on his friends in front of him. He let out a heavy, sorrowful sigh.

Lost in his own world, his pace slowed and he fell behind the group. A single raindrop fell on him, sliding down the side of his face. He dropped his gaze, watching the ground slowly become wet, falling farther behind.

* * *

"_Tony." Tim called to him from a few feet ahead. "Would you please pick up the pace?"_

_"Yeah, yeah…. I'm comin'." He adjusted his hat. "Hold your horses."_

_"I am," Tim replied, grimacing. "And they're also getting wet."_

_It had gone from a nice, sunny day to a near torrential downpour in less than twenty minutes._

_"Welcome to Seattle," the lieutenant said under his breath._

_"What's wrong?" Tony said as he caught up to Tim. "You gonna melt if you stay out in the rain too long?"_

_He glared at the ensign, but only received a typical Piccolo grin in response. Tim shook his head and picked up the pace. He liked the rain—as long as he wasn't caught out in it. They were still some distance from their hotel and while they could call for a cab, there was really little point in it. They were already soaked, so grabbing a cab to stay dry was pointless. It would get them to their hotel faster, but they would still have to wait for one. And since they were out in the open, they would be just as well off waiting out the rain in one of the stores nearby._

_Tim stopped when he realized Tony had fallen behind again. "Tony! Come on!"_

_He glanced to his right. There was a covered bus stop, so he ducked inside. Tony was still taking his time. Tim rolled his eyes and decided he would have to step back out, grab gill-boy, and drag him into the bus stop. He reached out for his dawdling friend, grabbing his arm._

* * *

Tony yelped.

"Sorry, Tony," Dagwood said as he pulled the lieutenant under the music shop's awning.

"It's okay, Dag," Tony said, wringing the water out of his hat. "Don't apologize. Ya ain't the first one ta do that to me."

Dagwood stood up straight and said, concerned, "Somebody else did that to you."

"Yeah…Tim."

The rest of the group gave him a curios look.

Catching their expressions, Tony said, "It was in Seattle." Lucas couldn't help snickering. "Shut up, Wolenczak."

Tony sighed. He would rather be standing out in the rain right now. He liked the rain. Especially, if it rained hard. Because if it rained hard enough, maybe, no one would see his tears.

**seaQuest**

I hope you liked it. And hopefully, I won't take as long to get the next chapter up.

Please drop a review.


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